May 5,2010 was the happiest day of our lives this year. We found out we were pregnant after 5 LONG years of trying! Out of the blue God answered our prayers. Today I would have been 11 weeks 2days pregnant. Little did we know that at 8 weeks and 1 day we lost our baby. Today we had an ultrasound all we seen was an 8w old baby, no heartbeat. I should have known this pregnancy was too good to be true! After all the praying, all the Faith, and giving thanks it still wasn't enough to keep our baby growing inside. I am slipping into the darkness very fast. Something that took me 4yrs to get out of is sucking me back in. I want to keep faith and know that everything will be alright but I know its not. For tomorrow I have a scheduled surgery to help my body get back to 'normal'. After 5yrs I actually thought it was our turn. That things were working in our favor. Little did we know what was to come. We don't know why this keeps happening and we pray for answers. You know when I was younger my dream was to find the perfect partner, get married and start a family. I did not know nor plan for being here in 2010 having had 3 miscarriages already. Some people have told me not to get excited, don't tell anyone, don't get attached because you will only 'jinx' yourself. Do we not deserve to be happy while we are pregnant? Is it a sin to have a want and need for a child? What have we done to deserve this? I guess we will never know the truth. All we can do is mourn for our loss. It isn't fair! There are many that take pregnancies, children for granted. That isn't us! We have longed for our perfect family, instead we sit here and wonder why. Tuesday hubby took me to see Karate Kid and there was one line that stuck out to me: "life will knock you down, you just have to choose to get back up or not" I do not know where we go from here. If we continue or just walk away. All I know if that this is an extremely hard time for us right now. And we thank those that TRULY have been there for us. Thank you for the prayers and well wishes. Until next time...
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm so sorry for all your losses and especially the one your going through now. Each loss is equal but the pain from this is fresh. Please don't give up.
ReplyDeleteCan they do testing now that you've had so many losses to see whats causing them.
I don't know why things are so hard for you and why you are constantly challenged.
Maybe you need to think this is the devils work that has caused this tradegy.
I don't want to think that God did this to you and did this to me when my two little ivf babies didn't make it or my ectopic pregnancy before that.