HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ME!!!

That's right, today is the start of my New Year! My motto is: I AM DIFFERENT! I stand out from the rest and yea, I can celebrate New Year's like everyone else on January 1st, but don't like to bring in a New Year with the old. On January 1st I am still the age I was the year before, so my New Year starting on February 21st at 808A is my NEW everything.

On August 5, 1995 I almost lost my life, I was only 9yrs old. I was hit by a car and the doctors told my family that I was not going to make it. Imagine that, the legacy of Lydia would have ended so young. By God's miracles and healing hands I was given another chance at life. I thank God every day for blessing me with another day on Earth, for God doesn't owe me anything, He could of called me home back in 95' instead He knew that I had some unfinished business and made me stronger. Over the years I have had so many challenges in life that I just wanted to throw my hands up and just give up. Every time I felt defeated, God showed me that I am stronger than I thought I was. When the road was rocky and I found myself at a dead end, I put my faith in Him and He showed me the way. Over the years my relationship with Him has gotten stronger than it ever has. See in the past I blamed Him for all that ever went bad in my life that I failed to realize that He was trying to show me that life isn't always going to go as planned. Because of my past, I am the person I am today. The loud in your face, I love you and everyone, loving, caring, I put others first kind of person.

Which brings me to my 25th year project! (((Wait for it.............)))

-I am going to be doing a 365 day project on Facebook and on my laptop of my daily life. I still haven't decided on the perfect title for this album, but once I have it, I will be announcing it.

-I am starting a journal that I will write in everyday with letters to my Savior Jesus Cristo.

-I will be doing more reflections on my Footprints blog.

-Rather than having New Year's Resolutions, I am setting goals for myself that I will post at a later date.

So welcome to the 25yrs old me!!! Sit back and enjoy the ride!!!

Last post..........

As a 24yrs old, tomorrow is my New Year. I am so excited. I have so many things planned for my New Year and I will be sharing them on or after my birthday. As for now, the rosary today was AMAZING!!! Okay thats enough for now, time to clean.

God always has a plan......

It has been a little while since I have done a great reflection, and I have been putting it off for some time. There have been times that I knew exactly what I wanted to write, and other times that I didn't think it was worth jotting down. I think it is mainly because I haven't had the time to. I am not going to let that hold me back anymore.

So the a few weeks ago on January 12th, 2011, I was on a search for the perfect bible verse, one that would describe me! One that screamed out to me, and one that I can scream out when times get tough that I feel like things aren't going the way I want. That is when I found this one:

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It was as if Jesus can right next to me and read this to me. It took me years to find the perfect bible verse, and now that I have found it I will always keep it close to my heart. I know that in God's time He will bless us, I sometimes wish I was now. Maybe our lessons aren't done yet? Maybe we are NEXT? Maybe He is taking time to pick the perfect baby for us? What ever the case may be, we are waiting with open arms.

I am proud of myself, because if I were still the old me, I would have grown into a dark and empty depression, instead I have to turned to my Savior and but all my faith and prayers in Him. I believe in my heart that I have matured so much with my patience, faith, and understanding. It is not the question of, IF we will get pregnant? BUT rather, when we get pregnant!

Thankful for what we have...

It has been a few weeks since I have last been to church since our loss, and I was feeling guilty for starting to turn my back on my faith, and started fail at keeping a close relationship with God. Today, I decided it was time to change all of that! It was time to wipe the tears away and stop blaming myself for what happened. Though deep down I am still crying and even feel like I can't go on, I know Jesus loves me and He is sitting right next to me holding my hand and wiping the tears away. 

I have never been alone in my life I have always had my family and friends to surround me with love and support.  But when we have been told that we lost our babies, every time I have felt like I was alone and no one in this world could ever understand the pain I have inside me. Boy, was I wrong! I know that not only was I suffering, but so was my husband and those close to me. Just in that moment of time I felt like I was absolutely alone, like no one in my life could ever begin to imagine what was going on in my mind, I failed to remember that Jesus knows everything about me that no one else in the world could probably fully understand. And when I was wheeled into that operating room, being taken away from my husband's and parent's side, that Jesus was always there. He made sure the doctors had the knowledge and tools to do what needed to be done so that I could survive the surgeries even with complications (if any). God had sent Jesus to watch over me even when I felt like I wasn't going to make it though another surgery. And for that I am very thankful. 

I have continued to pray (not as often as I would have liked), but I have failed to give thanks for those doctors that knew exactly what needed to be done so that I can have another chance on getting pregnant and God willing have a successful pregnancy. I only prayed once and gave thanks for the specialist that I am being sent to but I have failed to continue to pray for their well being and that they too can help others as (I hope) they will help me. I know now what needs to be done so that I can get my prayers answered. I need to not only pray from myself and what I want but, I need to pray for others as well. 

In the bible Matthew 6 : 5-15, they talk about prayer and how Our Father knows that we want before we ask Him. And it also states that we should pray the Our Father. I have read this in the past a few months ago and never really thought anything about it, nor have I questioned Father David to get more insight on what was being said here so I tucked it in the back of my mind and never brought it up. Well, today at mass Deacon Ray said, "when we pray, we fail to realize that we begin our prayer with OUR Father. Its not my Father but OUR Father." He also shared a story about when his daughter was sick that he prayed that she would get better and that she would survive the surgery. Not once did he pray for the doctors, hospital or staff. He was just worried about his daughter. And boy, was this an eye opener! Because I am in the same shoes he was years ago, praying for myself rather than praying for others and giving thanks to those God has surrounded us with. Deacon Ray closed the Homily by saying, "You're not going to get a million dollar answer with a 10 cent prayer." I interpreted it as, if you only turn to the Lord when you want something don't expect miracles to happen over night. 

So, when things start to go wrong and you have no one to turn to or you feel like that is the only time you can pray just remember to give thanks for everything you have. Because in a blink of an eye it can all be taken away. Remember that you must first build a relationship with God and Jesus so that you can be come stronger and have your prayers answered. Remember He is Our Father, and He will give us what He thinks is right for us. So just because you don't get what you want over night, don't stop praying because in the end of it all it will pay off.

A great reminder...

"We have
Promises to keep
And miles to go
Before we sleep..."

-Robert Frost


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On my mind........6/19/2010

My cuts will heal, my bruises will fade but this emptiness in my heart/womb will never be healed. For the day we give birth to our first living child...it will NEVER replace the three Angels we have lost. We are proud parents of three Heavenly Angels unfortunately God had other plans for them rather than for them to be here on Earth with us.

Too good to be true written 6/17/2010

May 5,2010 was the happiest day of our lives this year. We found out we were pregnant after 5 LONG years of trying! Out of the blue God answered our prayers. Today I would have been 11 weeks 2days pregnant. Little did we know that at 8 weeks and 1 day we lost our baby. Today we had an ultrasound all we seen was an 8w old baby, no heartbeat. I should have known this pregnancy was too good to be true! After all the praying, all the Faith, and giving thanks it still wasn't enough to keep our baby growing inside. I am slipping into the darkness very fast. Something that took me 4yrs to get out of is sucking me back in. I want to keep faith and know that everything will be alright but I know its not. For tomorrow I have a scheduled surgery to help my body get back to 'normal'. After 5yrs I actually thought it was our turn. That things were working in our favor. Little did we know what was to come. We don't know why this keeps happening and we pray for answers. You know when I was younger my dream was to find the perfect partner, get married and start a family. I did not know nor plan for being here in 2010 having had 3 miscarriages already. Some people have told me not to get excited, don't tell anyone, don't get attached because you will only 'jinx' yourself. Do we not deserve to be happy while we are pregnant? Is it a sin to have a want and need for a child? What have we done to deserve this? I guess we will never know the truth. All we can do is mourn for our loss. It isn't fair! There are many that take pregnancies, children for granted. That isn't us! We have longed for our perfect family, instead we sit here and wonder why. Tuesday hubby took me to see Karate Kid and there was one line that stuck out to me: "life will knock you down, you just have to choose to get back up or not" I do not know where we go from here. If we continue or just walk away. All I know if that this is an extremely hard time for us right now. And we thank those that TRULY have been there for us. Thank you for the prayers and well wishes. Until next time...
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